During my first relationship, I had family members from the very beginning tell me something was off about him, that their gut was telling them there was something going on with him. Did my 15/16 year old self that was still adjusting to being a woman now, and going through the period where I strongly disliked my parents, listen to a word that they said???? No…..of course not. I thought he was the world and I thought I was his.
My parents and loved ones would continuously say to me when he wasn’t there that he was being abusive, being jealous for no reason, controlling and not being supportive about activities I wanted to do. They would even give me instances like; where he pulled my arm behind my back in sort-of a wrestling hold, he would use pressure points on my body to hurt me into complying, whisper in my ear that I wasn’t pretty, or say that I didn’t need to look nice or wear make-up. You would think that my 15/16 year old self would realize that this was abuse, but I did not.
It wasn’t until my mom made me take a test on some site, that tells you whether or not you are in an abusive or unhealthy relationship. Once I took that quiz, it slapped me hard in the face….that they were right. I had been blind by his “love and affection” for me that I didn’t see what was clearly right in front of me. When I tell people my story about being raped by my first boyfriend, they think that it was just something that happened all of sudden, but it didn’t. It was an accumulation of months before the rape actually happened. This was leading up to me getting raped, that my mom had me take this test and I had realized what was happening that made me want to break up with him.
After the said rape occurred and I eventually told her what had happened, she had me start going to therapy. At first I wasn’t too keen on the idea, but I am forever grateful for it. My sister didn’t really get the proper therapy she needed right after her assault, and ended up needing it years after still. In my opinion and I’m sure any therapist or Sexual Assault Advocate will say that it doesn’t matter what the circumstances were of you being sexually assaulted or that you waited 10 days or 30 years to go to therapy…..it is NEVER too late go see a Therapist and start the healing process. If my mom hadn’t of made me go to therapy, I don’t think I would be where I am today with being interviewed for the #MeToo Movement by TV News outlets, local newspapers or even blogging about issues surrounding my rape. I definitely wouldn’t be who I am today either, which is where I got the name for this blog, “Magic of the Phoenix” or my signature “In The Ashes, The Rising Phoenix”. So if you are reading this and are a survivor yourself or know someone who is, share this with them and help them find resources in your area to get therapy or any other resources they may need.
In The Ashes,
The Rising Phoenix